Life with Thomas

I Don’t Want Your Pity

This isn’t to be mean. This isn’t because I’m “brave”. This is because I don’t need it.

Sorry is like a backdoor you slip out of when you don’t know what to say.

The first words out of someone’s mouth when I tell them Thomas has Down Syndrome are often “I’m sorry.” Why? Why are you sorry? Why is that the most natural reaction to something that isn’t typical or “normal”?

There was a great video that was floating around Facebook that was a compilation of people with Down Syndrome sharing the reactions they wish they heard new parents of children with Down Syndrome recieve. It was shared on the Canadian Down Syndrome Society website, called “Anything But Sorry”, which you can find here! If you watch the video, it does contain some explicit language, but it shared the individual’s honest opinions and reactions! The videos purpose is to tell you, you can literally say anything to a new parent, but sorry is not one of them. We don’t want to hear it!

What are you sorry for? Let’s change the way we react to things that aren’t “typical”. Let’s be there, sorry is like a backdoor you slip out of when you don’t know what to say. Ask questions, ask how we are doing, ask if there’s anything we need (prayers, help, resources, FOOD! for new parents especially!) SAY ANYTHING ELSE!

If you do happen to feel sorry for me, and for other mommas and families of children with Down syndrome or any other disability, I urge you to not feel that way. I cannot tell you how unbelievably happy Thomas makes my family! His sweet, perfect little smile, his incredible little Wookiee noise, and the fact that he is defeating all the odds that have been stacked against him since we recieved his diagnosis. But, if you do feel pity for me, come and enjoy a little piece of sunshine that Thomas holds and you won’t anymore. Just know that, I don’t want your pity, because I don’t need it.

Love you all,

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